Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Barfly July 2004

Cortney Starr’s Top Ten Bar Reads:

10. “The Rules,” by Sherrie Schneider. This book is perfect for those of you who date wonderful boys who stage-manage shows populated by Neanderthal white hats. While your boy is working, sit in the corner making goo-goo eyes at the audience and reading about the “top twenty tips to catch a husband.” I guarantee no one will hit on you, leaving you to laugh at the ditzy authors in peace.

9. “Gender, Culture & Power: Toward a Feminist Postmodern Critical Theory,” by Ben Agger. This is the book you take with you to the next show. Definitely another moron repellent. This book is so dense it might as well be in Latin, but at least it’s more challenging then some bestseller about trapping men. I was going to put Valerie Solanas’ “SCUM Manifesto” in this slot, but most of the men who feed you lines at a bar never saw “I Shot Andy Warhol.” Plus, you might break your straw in half making inadvertent stabbing motions.

8. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” by Arlene Eisenberg. This one is perfect if you just want to fuck with people’s heads during a night of heavy solo drinking. Just watch their reactions. Any boy who hits on you while you’ve got this book is very, very brave.

7. “Vintage Didion,” by Joan Didion. I actually read this in a strip mall bar in Shelton, Washington. I got bored watching my friends play pool and didn’t feel like dancing with men who had mullets. Joan Didion is a brilliant essayist, and her exploration of the South American drug trade will give you pause before your next line.

6. “Nickel and Dimed,” by Barbara Ehrenreich. Think the service industry is as glamorous everywhere as it is in Portland? Think again. Ehrenreich writes about working as a maid, a waitress at a greasy spoon, and selling clothes at Wal-Mart. A book that will make you think and appreciate your education.

5. “MoveOn’s Fifty Ways to Love Your Country,” edited by the MoveOn staff. Great for a night of drinking with friends. Get everyone riled up and have them commit to doing one thing: calling for candidates, writing editorials, shopping at a co-op rather then a chain.

4. “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves,” by Lynne Truss. Read it and correct the bathroom graffiti.

3, 2, 1. “Rent Girl,” “Valencia,” “The Chelsea Whistle,” by Michelle Tea. Possibly the best young American writer today. These books are perfect for the bar, the beach, and the bus. Tea writes about drinking, sex work, drugs, peeping tom step dads, and death in sharp, readable prose. These books go quickly and can be read again and again. She has a book of poetry and has edited a couple of anthologies, too.

Barfly May 2004

My Girl Wants to Party All The Time

Freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom. I had just broken up with a man who demanded way too much of my time, finances, and effort for my life to be any fun. Most nights I sat, itchy in my apartment, watching TV as thoughts of the show at the Blackbird danced in my head. I had to get out.

New Year’s Eve, I was at a party in Wales. Midnight hit, and I made my resolution: maximum fun. I was determined to make my life one big party. Luckily, I had just landed a job where I worked from home and basically set my own hours. My finances were finally back in order. I was ready to rock and roll.

The first thing I did was take off to San Francisco for a weekend to stay with a man I had just met. Luckily, he wasn’t a serial killer, and the weekend was one of the best I’ve ever had. Rejuvenated and renewed, I came home and started pressing my “going-out” clothes. On any given night, I was at Holocene, Berbati’s, the Tube, or Disjecta. I was lucky enough to know many of the door people, and even used my Barfly connections to get free drinks.

I know this story is supposed to have a moral, that somewhere in here I’m supposed to give up the party lifestyle and settle down again. Sorry, kids, it’s May and I’m still going strong. I spent so long in a cave-like apartment that, even months later, standing in front of the stage at Nocturnal still feels like a breath of fresh air.

I still have “Thirteen Going on Thirty” moments (or, I guess in my case, “Fourteen Going on Twenty-Four”) where I wake up and squeal, “Wow, this is my life.” I’ll be standing in front of a stage, or drinking at a bar, or hanging out with friends, and think “I made it.” The teenage girl who watched “Singles” and “Reality Bites” ad nauseum and dreamed of the house shared with friends, the job, the car, and the boyfriend in a grunge band now has the house with friends, the job, the car, and…well, let’s just say it’s probably a good thing I lack the boy in the grunge band.

The Postal Service have a lyric that states “It’s not a party if it happens every night.” No offense to Ben Gibbard, but I’m calling bullshit on that statement. Got back to me in a year or so, but for right now, I’m not ready to give up being a twenty-four hour party person any time soon.

Barfly October 2004

Dear John Kerry

Dear John,

It’s not you. It’s me. Really.

No, wait it is you. You are Mondale and Dukakis rolled in to one. Never have I been less excited to vote for a candidate, and that includes the eighth grade student council race between the head cheerleader and the captain of the football squad. I will vote for you, but at this point, only because you’re not Bush.

It’s not that I disagree with any of your politics. Quite the opposite. I, too, am pro-choice, pro-environment, and against the death penalty. I do take issue with the fact that your positions on theses issues are buried deep within your website, and that you never seem to mention them in speeches. Millions of Americans care deeply about these issues, and instead you rely on special interest groups to advertise your opinions.

Speaking of special interest groups, can you please, please do something about these 527s? It’s not so much that I mind being approached by some teenager every other block; it’s the fact that these kids are paid a sub-living wage and have no benefits. Don’t you think it’s the teeniest, tiniest bit hypocritical to claim labor support and treat the people who are trying to elect you like shit? I’ve worked on campaigns before, and I know all about the mandatory long hours and low wages. It’s one thing to exploit idealistic college grads, who probably are just setting themselves up. It’s quite another to exploit poor, working kids who are canvassing for you because they didn’t get the job at Burger King.

At least those kids didn’t have to go to Vietnam, right? You went. You killed, you got a Purple Heart, you had a change of heart. We get it. You’re brave; you’re masculine; you could kill a tiger with your bare hands. Whatever.

It’s not your fault your record in the Senate doesn’t look impressive. You got stuck in Ted Kennedy’s shadow, and junior Senators often get the short end of the stick. But you had to have done something besides name post offices. Right? Right?

Listen, John: we all know Bush is an idiot and this election is yours to lose. So why not focus on issues that mean something to the American people? How will you get us out of the clusterfuck of epic proportions that Iraq has become? How will you help Americans whose jobs have been sent overseas (no, hiring them to canvass for you doesn’t count)? What will happen to the millions who don’t have health insurance? Start answering these questions.

My vote is yours, no matter what. But then again, I’m a yellow dog Democrat and most people aren’t as forgiving as I am. Time is running out. Please don’t make America endure four more years of a man who cannot pronounce “nuclear.”

Best,

Cortney Starr

Dear Theresa,

He’s not good enough for you. All that Botox and he still looks like a horse. Crazy as a fox rich lady, you deserve better.

Love,

Cortney Starr

Dear Dennis Kucinich,

You are the cutest little Socialist vegan elf man ever. Will you come to the Food Fight vegan cookie contest with me?

XOXO,

Cortney Starr

Barfly December 2004

Let me take a moment to set the scene for you. I had been dating a boy who lived on the east coast, but fell for another boy who lived in Portland. Said Portland boy then decided it would be a really fantastic idea to go home with another woman he met at a bar that he and I were hanging out at, leaving my drunken ass to sleep in his bed, alone. Heartbroken, I drove across the country and straight into the arms of east coast boy. Unfortunately, east coast boy really enjoyed sticking needles in said arms, and after three hellish weeks, I came back to Portland, dejected. It was the middle of December 2002. I then did the smartest thing I could think of: I hooked up with Portland boy’s roommate, a surefire winner who had come out to Portland from some small town with no money, no education, and no job prospects. When Portland boy kicked his roommate, heretofore known as “the Dumbass,” out in to the streets, he came to stay with me.

I was staying at my parents’ house, and, as they do every Christmas in the spirit of family togetherness, they went to Europe. Just the two of them. My sister spent the holiday with her in-laws. I spent the holiday with the Dumbass.

The Dumbass was one of a long line of men who looked at me and saw dollar signs. The Dumbass and I went out every night, and somehow I ended up paying for everything. He mostly moaned about how unemployable he was, not understanding that to get a job, you generally have to look for and apply for one. He preferred listening to terrible emo music, very loudly, and whining about how mean I was because I bought him a PBR rather then a Mirror Pond.

Christmas day, the Dumbass and I were bored out of our skulls and decided to walk around downtown. We strolled down Burnside, marveling at how quiet and peaceful the city seemed. Then we walked under the Burnside Bridge, and I saw the most depressing sight I have ever seen. A homeless woman was shooting up under the bridge. In plain sight of all the other bums, cops, and whoever else happened to walk by. On Christmas Day.

When I go through lower points in my life, I often try to think about people who have it worse then I do. Victims of genocide in Sudan. AIDS victims in Kenya or Russia. Iraqi citizens who have lost their homes and families. But no one stands out in my mind quite like that woman.

The Dumbass eventually went back to his small town with his tail between his legs, but not before siphoning more money from me and nailing a Suicide Girl on my parents’ new leather sofa. As for me, I started saving, and the next year, I went to Europe for Christmas with my parents.

Barfly June 2004

My dirty, grungy, stupid record collection (or, the shame of a secret Alice in Chains fan).

Prior to 1992, my record collection was pretty non-existent. I had a few New Kids on the Block tapes, some terrible British pop singles, and records I’d inherited from my lovely but terribly unhip parents (John Denver, anyone?). When I finally reached the age when I could walk down to the Sam Goody at Clackamas Town Center and buy my own records, I jumped right in to the musical trend of the day: grunge. I should clarify that at this point that I wasn’t really buying records; I was buying those fancy and newfangled CDs. They came in long packages with tree wasting, elaborate cardboard sleeves surrounding the actual CD.

I bought into grunge not only as a musical movement, but also as a lifestyle. My long hair went unwashed. I threw out my tidy GAP clothes that my mother had purchased and hit up the Goodwill for flannel and jeans that looked like someone had run over them with a lawnmower. And I bought CDs by truckload: not just Nirvana, but Alice in Chains, Mudhoney, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Screaming Trees, and Ned’s Atomic Dustbin.

It only makes sense that I got into grunge about the time my hormones started raging. I was tortured, I tell you, tortured. Sure, I had a roof over my head, food on my table, and parents who loved me, but no one understood the real me. Well, no one except Kurt Cobain and Layne Stayley.

From a purely critical standpoint, grunge was not terribly original. Many of the riffs were blatant seventies rock rip-offs, and mach of the lyrical content could have been cribbed from the punk rock of the eighties. However, after a decade of pop and poodle hair metal, lyrics about issues beyond blow and strippers were a breath of fresh air. Oh sure, the nuances of the political issues were about a subtle as an Al Franken rant, but I’d take Kurt Cobain’s take on rape over Axl Rose’s any day.

Eventually, I moved on. Eddie Vedder mentioned riot grrl in an interview, and I found Bikini Kill and Bratmobile. Courtney Love, back when she was still lucid, mentioned Susan Faludi, and I found “Backlash.” I got in to the Portland scene, and started writing for a little paper called “The Rocket.”

When I occasionally break out my old copy of the Singles soundtrack, I’m a little embarrassed by the simplicity of the lyrics and the big riffs. But the sincerity is undeniably sweet, and now, ten years after Kurt’s suicide and Bush releasing their first disc, “Big Dumb Sex” reminds me of a more innocent time. I might listen to Hella and XBXRX these days, but I think you can guess which records I’ll still be dancing around my living room to in ten years.

Barfly June 2005

I’ve spent almost twenty of my twenty-five years in Portland, and as much as I make noise about blowing this pop stand and moving to points east or south, it would take a hell of an offer to get me out of the Rose City. A few of my favorite things about this rainy, junkie-tastic, leech filled town:

Portland is an easy place to get started. Let me offer an example: once upon a time there was a sixteen year old girl whose school paper wouldn’t let her write about music. So she waltzed in to the offices of a well-known paper called The Rocket, and within a few weeks she was published. In almost any other city, she would have been escorted out the door by a security guard. People here will give you a chance to prove yourself.

Portland is cheap. Seriously, you can quit your bitching about rents right now, or at least until you’ve lived in say, Boston. Or Washington, DC. Or Los Angeles. I’ve lived all three places and let me tell you, you can live like a king in Portland for what you’d pay for a roach infested closet in any other city. While actually buying a house is a whole other matter, renting in this town is easy as pie. If you’re living in Portland and couch surfing, you might want to re-examine your ability to function as an adult.

There ain’t no shame in Portland. Doing some of the aforementioned couch surfing? No problem, there are plenty of sofas waiting for you! Mooching off your boyfriend or girlfriend? You’re just spending time “creating art” and if they wise up and dump you, why, there are plenty of other pretty young things with low self esteem out there. Haven’t picked up a book or newspaper in years? Reading is for losers; wearing a great outfit to the Doug Fir is what makes you a good human being. People in Portland will gleefully admit to being undereducated moochers, and no one makes them feel the least bit bad about it. Compare this to the east coast, where self-loathing is a full time job (well, after working ninety hours a week in order to afford the aforementioned roach infested closet).

Portland makes politics fun. Most protests consist of a bunch of smelly hippies walking around chanting. BOR-RING. In Portland, we do anarchy right. Radical cheerleaders, black blockers, crazy performance troupes; a protest in “Little Beirut” is more a party then a demonstration. What are we protesting? Trees? Mumia? Who cares, Tre Arrow is here, and ladies, I hear he’s single.

Portland is home. I’ll complain about this city until I’m blue in the face, but the truth is, if any non-native says one bad word, I’ll put up my dukes. I’m old school Portland, and I’m proud of it. I remember when the Brewery Blocks was an actual brewery. I used to see Elliott Smith at Umbra Penumbra. I saw one of the first Dandy Warhols shows at Ozone Records. I used to go to the X-Ray Café.

The weather may suck and the trust fund hippies are annoying, but the coffee is good, the beer is better, and the people are the best.

Barfly April 2005

It was not a discovery I was overjoyed to make. Digging through my ex-boyfriend’s sign painting toolbox to look for something he needed, I came across a tube of medication for genital warts. Three months after he’d looked me in the eye and told me he was clean. Three months after he told me he loved me. Three months after I had started having unprotected sex with him.

But then, I should have known. A month after we started dating, a friend of his pulled me aside and warned me “He’s not an evil person, but be careful.” Another man warned me my ex had raped his girlfriend. At the time, I foolishly brushed it off. It was only until after he had decided, whoops, he didn’t love me after all (really, he could see the gravy train he had been riding was leaving the station), that I began to take the warnings seriously. Another “friend” of his emailed me later, apologizing for not warning me in advance. His house of cards was crumbling; the paper tiger was reduced to a mere alley cat.

Still, he took me for quite a ride. Declarations of love often coincided with requests for money. He borrowed several hundred dollars from me (and several hundred more from his parents) to move into a new place, only to move out a month later. To move in with me. Rent free. He spoke of his many friends, only revealing later that those “friends” only called him when they wanted either blow or free entry to club he used to work at. I, the eternal sucker, let him drive my car (he cracked the bumper). I let him use my basement as a studio space (he paid my landlord a third of the rent he owed). I believed him, because I had no reason not to. Silly, naïve little Cortney.

I ignored red flags that popped up. His fondness for giving me GHB. His refusal to ever compliment me, even as he continued to loan my money to the go-go dancers he booked. His resentment at my education and success. Sure, I was ten years younger and made three times as much money. But he wanted to get a place with me. He wanted me to outlast his beloved cat. Until one night, when I suggested he pay for his own damn Bushmills. Two weeks later, he didn’t really love me, after all. In fact, he never wanted to speak to me again. Or pay me the money he owed me, for that matter.

I can look back now and see, like the sparrow he had tattooed on his neck, he was just singing me a sweet song. I bent over backwards for him, and he never found the energy to return any favors. Part of this was his own laziness; how successful can you be when you sleep until noon every day? He had a knack for quitting while he was ahead; he quit his nightclub just as allegations of him skimming tips were starting to bubble up. He probably knew I’d finally discover him to be the bullshit artist he really was and dump his sorry ass, so he left me first.

Only, the rub is, I really loved him. And I got screwed over, royally. After months of giving, he was gone.

But now, I’m starting to recover from his pattern of lies and deceptions. After all, I’m young, well educated, and just got a 21% raise at work. I know I’ll never be a washed up, middle aged, uneducated, friendless, underpaid loser, like him. And I know I’ll never be capable of lying to anyone like he did. In fact, I’d like to call him and tell him all this, but his phone is shut off.

Thank God the Planned Parenthood tests came back clean. I’d hate for to his lies to be with me forever.

Barlfy November 2004

The Semester From Hell; or, really, don’t violate the four F’s.


Sophomore year of college was looking like it would be a good one. I had had a relaxing summer, I had finally conquered the curse of the women’s college and had a new boyfriend, and I knew where all the campus buildings were and which professors were generous with the curve. I was living in a suite in a smaller dorm with a woman who was a) very quiet and b) very busy. She was pre-med and spent most of her time at Brigham and Women’s Hospital when she wasn’t in the library. I also had two first year suitemates who were previously unknown to me.

At first they seemed normal. A little dazed by the rigors of college, but nothing too odd. One night, some other students, my then-boyfriend and I were hanging out in my suite, drinking beer and watching movies. One of my suitemates, Leslie, came home. I offered her a beer, and, when she declined, I offered her a soda. She declined and went it to her room, and I thought nothing of it. Until two days later, when I was summoned to the Dean’s office. Apparently, I had been pressuring her to drink. She wanted me thrown out of school.

I calmly explained the situation the Dean, was let off with a warning, went back to my dorm, and told my other suitemates. As tempting as it was, we waited until she got back to the suite to start throwing her belongings in the hallway. She found another roommate, lasted a few more months, went nuts, and dropped out.

This experience served only to bond my other suitemate, Emily, and I even further. We were fast friends and spent hours hanging out with my boyfriend. Emily was seventeen and a virgin. She was also my “little sister,” a concept the college dreamed up to encourage mentoring and camaraderie between the classes. Basically, towards the middle of the semester, she and I were attached at the hip.

Halloween night, we went to a big campus party and threw back PBR after PBR. Around three, we stumble back to my dorm room. And fell in my bed. And then my ex joined us. And then…well, this isn’t Penthouse Letters. You figure it out.

I had violated the four F’s: family, first year, first time, and floor. Needless to say, the rest of the semester was strained and uncomfortable, at best. The rest of the small dorm was rife with drama, and Emily ended up dating a floor mate’s brother. She also ended up falling in love with my ex, who she caught making out with another floor mate.

At the end of the semester, I split for the largest dorm on campus and moved in with a girl who spent every weekend at Harvard with her boyfriend.

The moral of this story: don’t screw your roommate. You’re only screwing yourself.

Barfly May 2005

The Dead Boy in My Bed:

I was fifteen and attempting to be worldly. The virginity pledge I had signed in middle school, I had decided, had become passé. Sure, I was still under the spell of the hetro-AIDS panic, which had health teachers and pundits inflating statistics right and left, but the desire to rid myself of my virginity was greater. All my friends were “doing it.” Even at that age, I was strangely unsentimental about sex (in my twenties, I became attached to my lovers. I always seem to do everything backwards). I found a suitable partner: a skinny, gothic, odd boy named Allan. He wasn’t anything special, but I was a geeky, outspoken, feminist at a conservative suburban high school. My options were somewhat limited.

Allan and I dated for a month, if by dated you mean sitting on his parents’ couch watching movies while he felt me up. We had one remarkably unremarkable sexual encounter, which I remember mostly for its length. While brevity may be the soul of wit, it’s not the hallmark of a great fuck. We split, I lost track of him, and he dropped out of school shortly thereafter.

Years went by and the boy was reduced to a footnote in my history, an unflattering comparison to other lovers. I knew him as the boy who made losing my virginity boring. During winter break of my senior year of college, I was lounging around my parents’ house reading the Whoregonian and sipping coffee. It took a few minutes to recognize that name on the obit page…Allan, Allan…oh, shit.

It was an unremarkable death; he had been driving too fast one night and wrapped his car around a tree. I can’t say I was heartbroken or even mourned; I hadn’t seen him in five years. Still, he haunts me, in some small way.

I could feed you the usual bullshit about how it’s always tragic when someone dies too young, without fulfilling his or her potential. According to his obituary, he had been turning his life around at the time of his death; after struggles with drugs, he had sobered up and was attending community college. Stories like his are legend in some circles: the myth of the kid who cleaned up just to die in some freak accident. More superstitious addicts that I’ve known use this as an example and an excuse not to go straight. It does seem like a mighty karma-fuck, in the grand scheme of things.

I think in the end, I mostly just felt guilty for slagging his sexual performance so repeatedly. When I tell people my first boyfriend died, they always perform the requisite dance of sympathy; I can’t very well say “well, he was a lousy lay and that’s all I remember. Oh, and he liked Marilyn Manson.”

I’ve lost track of enough lovers to wonder if any of the other men I’ve shared my body with are no longer with us. I’m always reminded of the scene in Igby Goes Down, where Sookie tells Igby that she likes being close to men after sex because she knows that one day, they’ll die and she will have shared that moment with them. No matter how brief the moment, in the end, for those ten seconds, we were the closest people on earth.

2 Gyrlz Quarterly Declassified

DECLASSIFIED

Psychedelic Jesus vs. the Rude Flag
by Cortney Harding

In each issue of 2 Gyrlz Quarterly, DECLASSIFIED explores censored and suppressed artwork and literature. The word "censorship" usually refers to situations in which the government officially keeps something from being viewed, read, performed, or otherwise distributed. But those whose work sends uncomfortable messages, asks confrontational questions, or just plain gets too messy may find themselves without any outlet for distribution, exhibition, or publication—especially when conservative attitudes and fear of economic survival are on the rise. It may not be official censorship, but this situation breeds an atmosphere of suppression in which controversial concepts, imagery, and words are safely relegated to the margins or shoved under the rug. We hope that DECLASSIFIED will offer some insight into the difficulties surrounding the creation and dissemination of such work, and the tough decisions facing the gatekeepers who must decide what to publish, distribute, or show. —Ed.

The art world has not remained unscathed by America's pervasive post-September 11th climate. Even in a progressive state like Oregon, artists who dare to make political statements or use religious imagery find their work censored and their intentions called into question. While Joshua Camozzi Milligan and Thomas Rude haven't experienced physical violence as a result of their work, unlike a San Francisco gallery owner who exhibited portraits of Iraqi torture victims, both of these Portland artists have experienced censorship in Oregon—part of a larger trend to depoliticize art. I spoke with the artists about the suppression of their work.

PSYCHEDELIC JESUS
Joshua Camozzi Milligan: "Sweet Jesus….A Reaction to a Stolen Water Bottle"

Josh Milligan honestly never thought his ode to a lost water bottle would be so controversial. A few years ago, Milligan bought a multicolored Jesus sticker in a Zupan's vending machine and affixed it to his omnipresent Nalgene water bottle. A few years later, the Nalgene was stolen while he played a show, and Milligan was inspired to recreate his favorite sticker. The representation of Jesus is surreal, to be sure. But it seems, to me, no more blasphemous then Mel Gibson's multi-million dollar epic, The Passion. In fact, while the painting involves both blood and skulls, it is not overly violent, and bears no real “anti-Christian” statement.

I sit under the painting while I interviewing Milligan at his eastside Portland home. Milligan himself is a sweet, shambling, laid-back guy; not unlike many of the other creative types in town. He grew up in the Bay Area and received his formal art training at the California College of Arts and Crafts and the Pacific Northwest College of Art, where he graduated with a BFA in General Fine Arts. In addition to his visual creations, Milligan plays music with Spacefairy and Mugwort, as well as a solo project called Tokage. His work has been shown in numerous solo and group shows, and he is a regular participant in “live painting” exhibitions in Oregon and California, with the Pacific Artistry Collective and at 2 Gyrlz Performative Arts events.

Milligan gives me a brief rundown of the history of the "Psychedelic Jesus" piece, officially titled "Sweet Jesus….A Reaction to a Stolen Water Bottle," and his efforts to show it in Portland. He was asked to be part of a show produced by 2 Gyrlz, to be held at the now-defunct Medicine Hat Gallery on Alberta Street, in a racially and economically mixed neighborhood experiencing change and strain. Citing concern that members of a local church would be offended and try to block the Medicine Hat's pending liquor license, the Medicine Hat asked him to leave the piece out of the exhibit. He was, however, allowed to exhibit several female nudes.

His second attempt unfolded similarly. A coffee shop, Caffe Scozia, on East Burnside street in Portland requested he not hang his psychedelic Jesus on the grounds that several nuns from a nearby abbey were regular customers. He was; again, free to show his female nudes. Neither the coffee shop nor Kenneth Wright, who was the curator of the Medicine Hat show, returned our calls about this article.

Milligan's third attempt to show the work could be used to define the expression "catch 22." Optic Nerve, a tattoo parlor and gallery on Alberta Street, commissioned a show of Milligan's works. They wanted something edgy, something that would give observers pause. When Milligan brought in "Sweet Jesus...," it was rejected as being too tame and not controversial enough. The curator of the Optic Nerve gallery, Amy Von Rautmann, says she does not to remember the incident.

The ultimate irony comes when Milligan explains how he finally showed the piece successfully. The Red and Black Café, a worker-owned cooperative coffeehouse in Southeast Portland, allowed him to show the painting. Apparently, Communists were the only people who were OK with Jesus.

Had Milligan's work been another "Piss Christ," a work created with provocation in mind, the concern of the galleries and curator's might have been justified. While it is difficult to imagine Vera Katz or Tom Potter behaving as Rudy Guliani did when "Piss Christ" was shown in New York City, threatening to pull funding and causing and uproar , the current political situation and tenuous funding situations might give them justified pause. But Milligan's painting is a more neutral work. He explains that the skulls in the painting represent the skull of Adam, and the swirling shadows represent “shadow people,” a concept that reoccurs throughout his work. Milligan doesn't think that his representation of Jesus in and of itself causes galleries to reject the work. He thinks that there is a fear surrounding the discussion of religion, and that while the naked female form is no longer taboo, a Christ figure still is. Though Milligan says he has never received negative or hostile comments about the piece, many gallery owners would still rather not chance it.

One wonders if a painting of another deity, rendered in the same style, would cause as much consternation. Would a psychedelic Buddha, or psychedelic Vishnu, cause gallery owners to reject the work? It is interesting to note that, while Milligan considers painting itself a religion, few of his other works deal with the subject of Christianity. The psychedelic Jesus painting, in and of itself, makes no statement of judgment about Christ.

Milligan has never shown the work outside of Portland, and when I ask what he thinks the response would be in a more devout city, he tells me he would be worried. But might anti-religious sentiment might be to blame for his lack of luck exhibiting the work? Not an overt prejudice of course; I'm sure many curators and gallery owners would express tolerance for viewpoints different then their own, and express desire to make others comfortable and not exhibit work that could jeopardize the success of their galleries. But in this post-Karen Finley, post-"Piss Christ" era, is anything really shocking? Is a fear not of religion, but of its ardent followers, to blame?

For secular artists, God might very well be the last taboo. Yet religious imagery pervades our society in so many ways, there is no way to escape from the watchful eye of God the Father, even if one distances them from organized religion. Explorations of faith seem to be out of the question; the mainstream community seems to say, “You're either with us, or against us.”

Milligan still hopes to exhibit "Sweet Jesus..." again, and perhaps one day sell the piece. In the meantime, he says he's “gearing up to bust some serious ass.” In April, he showed at the Pos Gallery, debuting a series of masks with a “Don Quioxte-esque” theme. He recently moved his studio and expects to keep working, showing, and selling.

On my way out, I consider the fact that maybe it's time to invest in some local art. I ask Milligan how much he's charging for his Psychedelic Jesus. He replies, “Six hundred and sixty six dollars.”

THE RUDE FLAG
Thomas Rude: "American Standard"

Thomas Rude is an established woodcut artist who has shown all over Portland and in Northern California. His work is represented at the Waterstone Gallery in the Pearl District, and he sells woodcuts and postcards at Saturday Market every weekend. But last year, his piece American Standard started a major controversy when it was removed from the Oregon Governor's office.

The piece is striking in its simplicity. The American flag is re-created with bombs serving as stars and coffins as stripes. Rude says the piece was a way of expressing his feelings after combat operations started in Iraq. He told me that he was frustrated by people's lack of willingness to be outspoken, and his desire to create a serious political work. “Political cartoons are too easy to laugh off and dismiss,” he said. “I wanted to do something different.”

Rude was invited by the Oregon Arts Commission to hang some works in the Governor's reception room at the Oregon State Capitol. Hundreds, if not thousands, of tourists and visitors pass through the room on a daily basis. The Oregon Arts Commission is headed by what Rude calls a “somewhat naïve,” older painter, Nancy Lindberg. Says Rude, “I was a little nervous when I hung the work, but Nancy assured me there wouldn't be a problem.”

The first day the woodcut was displayed went by without any comments, positive or negative. Then a staff member in the Governor's office filed a complaint and requested the work be removed. Other staff members stuck up for Rude and an inter-office battle quickly developed. An aide called the Oregon Arts Commission and finally requested the piece be removed. While all this was happening, no one from the Arts Commission or the Governor's office called Rude; he found out everything second-hand though a friend in Salem who checking on the piece. After two weeks, the piece was taken down. The explanation offered to Rude was that Governor Kulongoski felt uncomfortable speaking at memorials for soldiers who had lost their lives while the piece hung in his office. Rude believes Kunlongoski, who had supported the war, was being forced to justify his position. Rude says the piece is in no way meant to insult the troops, but rather a statement that they need to be sent home and the war needs to be ended. After speaking with the Governor's office, Rude picked up the phone and called every newspaper he could think of.

To my surprise, both the moderately conservative Oregonian and the very conservative Salem Statesman Journal were supportive of his right to show his work. But then, in a post- 9/11, Iraq war climate, people often fall on surprising ends of the spectrum. The Oregonian was less interested in the censorship issue surrounding the removal of the woodcut; rather, they chose to focus on how polarized the county has become in the wake of the occupation. The Statesman Journal wrote that the piece had divided Salem, but that it had sparked an important discussion. Rude was invited to appear of right wing radio talk show host Lars Larson's show, but turned him down, knowing that Larson would be interested in attacking him, not having any sort of thoughtful discussion. Larson discussed the piece anyway, but Rude was not the focus of his criticism; rather, he attacked the Governor for displaying the piece. Rude did agree to appear on another show, after the host agreed to a fair discussion. Rude says the host was respectful and thoughtful, and was then summarily attacked by his right-wing listeners for not attacking Rude. It is no longer acceptable for people to simply disagree with each other, Rude says; everyone feels the need to protect someone, be it a soldier or a child.

Rude’s postcard depicts an American flag with gravestones replacing stars and bombs replacing stripes. Rude tells me that when he first started selling the flag/bomb postcard, people asked him if the US Postal Service would turn them in to the FBI, or if they would be tracked down by the Office of Homeland Security. This paranoia is sometimes interspersed with some reason: Rude tells me “a soldier bought one of the postcards and told me he plans to hang it in his office.”

This was Rude's first experience with having his work physically removed from a space, but it isn't his first brush with censorship. While working as an EMT in Northern California in the early 1990s, he began to think about encounters with death. This lead his to consider works about religion and the afterlife, and he developed a particular interest in the cross, a symbol that predates Christianity, despite now commonly being associated with it. Rude created several pieces that used the cross as a center; one featured a bible suspended from a cross, another featured a photocopy of his hands at either end of the cross, with a copper heart and a skull in the middle. The works were displayed in a local gallery and while they were referred to as “disturbing,” they ultimately served as starting points for conversations. Rude says this was a perfect example of art doing its job: serving as a means to provoke thought and discussion.

Rude's recent experience has not soured him on creating political art. His next work is a series of masks, including one that says “lie to me” over a blindfold. He says he often encounters shoppers at Saturday Market who say things like “what a terrible thing to do to the flag,” then, on closer observation, admit that Rude might be on to something.

2 Gyrlz Quarterly obituary of Nate Hudson

Hudson obit 2 GQ:

Aliyah Indra, the piercer and sales associate at Optic Nerve Arts, looks down slightly when asked about Nathaniel Hudson’s death. “We knew he had a heart condition, but it was still really…shocking,” she says. Having worked at Optic Nerve since June of 2004, she had only known Hudson a short while, but is still clearly affected by his passing. When asked if she had any favorite memories or stories of Hudson to share, she looked down and said softly “I’d rather not answer that.”

Nathaniel Alan Hudson was born in Wichita Falls, Texas, and was home schooled by his parents. In an artist’s statement for a recent show, he thanked his mother for “early encouragement to draw and be creative,” although he believed his desire to create art was inevitable. He was well known as a tattoo artist, and created art works in graphite and multi-media book form. In 1999, he suffered a devastating blow when much of his artwork was stolen. He ultimately viewed the loss as a turning point and began creating art in what he described as a “fantastical realist style.” In the statement, he said “Losing the bag was the single most important event in my artistic evolution, it changed me forever.”

The pieces that now decorate the walls at Optic Nerve are stark line drawings with cutouts that demonstrate the anatomy hidden underneath the skin of the subject. One sees teeth, hearts, and lungs, all rendered in stunningly accurate detail. They almost look like something from a medical textbook. There are sketches of skulls and alien like creatures; it would not be difficult to image Hudson could have been the next Dali. He used charcoal to create his works, and considered them self-portraits. Hudson’s works are also emblazoned on the bodies of hundreds of individuals.

He moved to Portland in October of 2000 and met future partner Tracy Faraca when they both participated in a suspension performance group. Faraca and Hudson started the studio in November of 2002, and she plans to keep the studio open. Faraca and Hudson were together for three and a half years and had a young daughter, Isabella. Faraca spoke to me briefly, and was astonishingly brave considering the crushing loss she had just suffered. When asked about her memories, she responded, “When Nate and I fell in love. Our trip to Asia. When we found out our baby was a girl. When she was born. Being next to him at his first art show.” She then spoke with incredible candor about the events of March 4, 2005: “I woke up and he wasn’t in bed. He had told me earlier that night he couldn’t sleep and was going to read. He was studying anatomy and different spiritual paths. I knew something was wrong when he wasn’t there, I went downstairs and…” Faraca looks down and takes a deep breath. Her eyes fill with tears. “Nate was the love of my life,” she whispers, and slips away into the back room.

Faraca plans to keep Optic Nerve open. The space serves as a combination tattoo parlor and art gallery, with piercing services also available. They display a new exhibit every last Thursday and are located at 1829 NE Alberta St. #11.

2 Grylz Quarterly short reviews

Bill “Bat Man” Grasshopper Records, 2005: All pretensions about “outsider music” aside, listening to this album made me feel uncomfortable. It’s unclear whether the voice on the album is that of a mentally retarded person or just someone playing a part: either way it pushes the bounds of good taste a little. I could start a whole debate about levels of comprehension and exploitative relationships, but I don’t think the record even merits that. I just isn’t very good, or enjoyable. I’m a little surprised Vice Records got scooped on this, as it seems right up their alley. Skip it.

Everything But the Girl “Adapt or Die: Ten Years of Remixes” Atlantic Records, 2005: Tracy Thorn might be a mother of three, but I’d wager that countless babies have been conceived while listening to her sultry voice. Seductive dance hall favorites Everything but the Girl has returned (sort of) from a permanent hiatus to release a remix collection of their greatest hits. Remix albums are always hit or miss, but this one shines far above most. It starts with an unlikely yet amazing collaboration: DJ Jazzy Jeff remixing the lush “Mirrorball.” Their big hit, “Missing,” is given the up-tempo treatment by CL McSpadden, and “Lullaby of Clubland” is reimagined as a modern house dance track by Jay “Sinister” Sealee. “Corcovado” would not sound out of place on in a Latin nightclub, and “Down Hill Racer” showcases the hardest beats on the record.

Most bands would struggle with a voice like Tracy’s; ethereal and breathy, it could easily fade into the background. Ben Watt, Tracy’s partner and collaborator, realizes just what he has, and makes every effort to showcase her vocals, although not at the expense of the music. Everything but the Girl was always under-appreciated in their time, and a new record, according to Tracy, is out of the question. Fans will have to content themselves with their back catalogues and this brilliant new album.

Jeff Kaiser and Andrew Pask “The Choir Boys” PF Mentum 2004: The first time I tried to listen to this record, I put it on in my car and thought it was defective. It wasn’t; it’s just very, very spare. Jeff Kaiser plays trumpet, quartertone trumpet, and flugelhorn, while Andres Pask is on clarinet, bass clarinet, soprano, alter, and tenor saxophones, and bass penny whistle. They both seem to be controlling effects, which they refer to “live processing.”

This is a record that requires the listener’s full attention, as it fades in and out in several parts and at times just seems to feature one droning noise. Most of the tracks hover around the ten-minute mark, with “Blue Air Habit” clocking in at 17:31. Instruments squeak and squawk, with odd samples in the background (chirping birds, anyone?). Half the time I felt like I was listening to Phillip Glass, the other half I thought maybe an Enya track had been put on by mistake.

All this having been said, the record is not bad, although it is niche and experimental. I felt like I was in studio, watching one men pick up a random wind instrument while the other played with distortion pedals. I can see this being played in the background at a classy yet hip art opening, or in a trendy coffee shop. Just don’t try to throw it on while motoring.

Via Satellite “Cities are Temples” Loud and Clear Records, 2005: Via Satellite just might give critical darlings Radiohead a run for their money. I initially wasn’t expecting much when I put this on, and I have to say I was blown away. The opening track, “Seven Winged Lions,” is one of the loveliest songs I’ve heard in a good long while; the vocals evoke Thom Yorke without aping him, and the melody is gentle and pretty. Drew Andrews and Scott Mercado trade vocal duties, and they each showcase their distinctive styles perfectly. Andrews’ gentle croon works well on the softer songs, whereas Mercado seems comfortable at the helm of the noisier rock tracks. Drummer Tim Reese, who also handles the samples, which he blends easily into the songs, ably backs them.

“Close As I Can,” “Revival,” and “Cotton,” seems to have been conceived as a triumvirate, and the songs blend together almost seamlessly. They are in the middle of the record and embody the heart of not only the album, but also the band. It’s not very hard to put out an electronica-influenced indie rock album these days, but it’s damn hard to put out a good one. Via Satellite, despite their ridiculous name, manage to have achieved this feat. They’ve come from nowhere, and I can’t wait to see where they’re going.

2 Gyrlz Quarterly review of Queercore Blitz

Review: Queercore Blitz featuring Triple Crème, Dead Betties, Jack Queen, and Dominatrix, December 3rd at the Meow Meow, Portland, Oregon.

The Queercore Blitz tour, above and beyond anything else they might accomplish, stands as a testament to the old adage “the personal is political.” They’re here, they’re queer, they’re punk, get used to it. The current queercore renaissance is the second go-round for the genre, which found its roots in acts as diverse as Heatmiser and Pansy Division. The big difference with this incarnation is the lack of identity politics, and politics in general, in the lyrics. Were it not for the band’s butch and femme aesthetics, no one would peg them as queer. The audience at the Meow Meow didn’t get songs about Measure 36 or odes to Gavin Newsom. Instead, they got a typical punk show: fun and energetic, with songs about alienation, lost love, and parents who just don’t understand.

The crowd at the Meow Meow was, for the most part, young, shiny, and energetic. Their outfits were carefully crafted, and they seemed happy and well adjusted. No fights broke out, and the dancers took pains to assure the tiny pit was a safe space. The audience lives in a world of “Please Don’t Kill the Freshman,” “Queer Eye,” and “Will and Grace.” Gay and lesbian teens in Portland have their own youth center and community resources. While the politics surrounding gay marriage must distress them, many queer teens I know aren’t terribly concerned about marriage to begin with. They operate on the assumption that by the time they’re old enough to consider it, the culture will have shifted in their favor.

Perhaps I’m overanalyzing what was, in retrospect, a simple punk rock show. New York’s Triple Crème played fast, sloppy girl punk, a la L7 or Babes in Toyland. They even threw in an Ozzy riff. The Dead Betties played what I can only describe as screamo, while Jack Queen and Dominatrix played straight ahead, eighties-influenced punk. Had the show not been billed as “queercore,” I would have been just another all-ages punk gig. But the lack of politics at the show was, to me, shocking. There were no pink triangles. No baskets of condoms, or information about AIDS. The show was energetic, and the kids seemed to have a great time. But I fear that, by depoliticizing the punk, we’re doing them a disservice. The fact is, the wider world is still a terribly unfriendly place for GLBTQ youth. I’ve read enough diatribes from the red states to believe that the vaunted “culture wars” could go either way.

The kids need to go out and have fun. But they can’t get too comfortable. Queer youth aren’t ready to hang up the politics quite yet.

Altar Magazine reviews

Altar Reviews-

“Red, White, and Blues: Poets on the Promise of America” edited by Virgil Suarez and Ryan G. VanCleave: Scheduled for release on Election Day, “Red, White, and Blues: Poets on the Promise of America” is a raucous, chaotic look at the American Dream through the eyes of a diverse group of poets. Even those averse to poetry can appreciate the sentiments echoed in Forrest Cole’s “America ™:” “I am America ™/ super size/ freedom fries.” References to consumption, patriotism, and the relationship between the two are a recurring theme in the collection. Many poets also explore their own conflicting relationship with the United States and the promise of democracy versus the reality of “democracy.”

Class issues, which have traditionally been ignored by many progressives, take a center stage in this book. John Edwards’ “Other America” has a voice in poems like Allison Pelegrin’s tongue-in-cheek “Trailer Trash” and Dean Phelps’ “An Ordinary County Girl.”

There are simply far too many poems in this collection to write about every one, but rest assured, there is not a bad verse in the book. Lively, spirited, and ultimately hopeful, I can only hope that this book will be released on what turns out to be a celebratory day. The men and women in this book are truer patriots then John Ashcroft or Donald Rumsfeld will ever be.

“Social Protest and Policy Change: Ecology, Antinuclear, and Peace Movements in Comparative Perspective” by Marco Giugni: I’m not quite sure when I lost the faith. Maybe it was the millionth anti war rally I marched in, sheep like, surrounded by tie-dyed and patchouli soaked masses. Maybe it the billionth time I received a call from a cause of a candidate, or the billionth call I made, only to be cursed at. Maybe it’s the fact that I can’t walk down the street without being offered voter registration or a petition. Somewhere, I started to think that it just wasn’t working. Old habits may be hard to break, and it’s even harder to get the old school left to break them.

“Social Protest and Policy Change” is academic as all hell, and even a political science student like myself might find it a little difficult to get through. This is not a beach read, unless you’re Noam Chomsky. And it’s a crying shame, because a less academic version of this book could be a catalyst for real change. Giugni concludes the first part of the book with the following statement: “…we can say, first, that we can observe to some extent a covariation between the development of the mobilization by ecology, antinuclear, and peace movements and that of environmental, nuclear energy, and national security policies. However, we cannot maintain that the former caused the latter.”

All in all, Guigni concludes that protest movements are somewhat useful and can lead to some change. However, nothing happens overnight. It is erroneous to think that one rally or even one isolated movement can lead to social change. Giugni also analyzes movements that took place in the late eighties and early nineties, before the internet. I would be curious to see what sort of effect he thinks the twenty-four hour news cycle and the web has had on protest movements. Overall, the book is dense but important.

Die Monitr Batss/ AST self titled split EP: A recent review of a Wolf Eyes record asserted that no one listened to noise records, rather that they went to noise shows because that was where the “tastemakers” in their scene were flocking. While the Batss do put on a blistering live show, this record is worth more then a few spins in your stereo. The Batss channel old school noise heroes like Teenage Jesus and the Contortions, making an unholy yet wholly enjoyable racket. AST, on the other hand, have clearly been listening to lots of old Sonic Youth, Slits, and Raincoats records. Their tracks are less likely to take the paint off your walls, but no less forceful. This might be some of the best work AST has ever done. The Batss, while still in top form on this EP, don’t come close to the brilliance that was their first record. But then, how can you ever top a line like “spread your legs/ and release the bats?”

The Mae Shi “Terrorbird:” The Mae Shi are the kings of the new LA noise scene. If you like XBXRX, the Ex-Models, or Deerhoof (hell, if you know who those people are), then you’ll probably love the Mae Shi. Terrorbird contains thirty-three short songs that are, essentially, a controlled chaos of random noise. Occasionally they throw in a Casio keyboard or some screaming vocals, but for the most part they just do the straight up noise rock.

The most refreshing aspect of much of the new noise rock is its openness to experimentation. On “Jubilee,” the boys attempt a four part harmony and wind up sounding not only out of tune but downright tipsy. You can clearly tell the band is having lots of fun recording the music, and their live show is a blast. Catch them now at the Smell in LA, or another small venue in your town, before they blow up.

Wet Confetti “This is so Illegal (Do it Quick):” A word of warning: do not, under any circumstances, listen to this record with a broken heart. Or even a bruised one. I would tell you not to listen to this record unless your heart was glowing with joy, but then you wouldn’t get it. Wet Confetti play dark-as-the-night, languishing pop that meanders along, punctuated with bursts of noise. Less poppy then their earlier efforts, the band nonetheless retains the beauty of their earlier releases.

Much of their strength comes from Dan Grazzini’s vocals, which sound perfect over the crunchy lo-fi guitar and solid drumming. The melancholy lyrics are sung with such grace and beauty it takes a few spins to realize just how dark the lyrical content really is.

I saw Wet Confetti at a dark, terribly hip bar called the Dunes in Portland, Oregon a few weeks ago. Every one of the coolest people in town was dead silent and mesmerized by what was, essentially, the perfect mood music. Yeah, they’re that good.

Clamor magazine reviews

Clamor reviews

Various Artists, Run the Road, Vice Records 2004, http://www.vice-recordings.com: The most innovative new hip hop is coming from grim council houses of London. Personified by wunderkind and Mercury Prize winner Dizzee Rascal, “grime” has become the hottest new sound. Vice Records, best known as an arm of the ultra-hip and borderline offensive magazine, has released a compilation of the some of the foremost grime artists around. The influences on this record are diverse; artists like Public Enemy figure as prominently as dancehall reggae and drum and bass. Well-known artists like the Streets and the aforementioned Dizzee share space with relative unknowns like Shystie and Lady Sovereign.

Sovereign’s track is probably one of the best on the album. Repeatedly bragging about her petite 5’1” frame, the Lady has managed to pack quite a bit of sass and cheekiness into her tiny body. She could easily rap circles around Lil’ Kim and Eve, and deserves to be more famous then both. Durty Goodz provides the album’s most political track, the blistering “Gimmie Dat.” He has been described as “bashy,” but the fact is, he’s just angry. Shystie’s “One Wish” (remixed by Terror Danjah) is another high point; it’s smart, feisty, and danceable.

Grime has a number of female MCs, and the men in the scene seem to treat them respectfully, as peers. The genre is blessedly free of the bling worship and posturing that has turned American hip-hip into an over commercialized joke. While many of the MCs are involved in “wars of the words,” they rarely lead to violent confrontations. Several of the MCs got their start on pirate radio stations, and none of the tracks on the record are what one would call “polished.” In an era where punk is played in car ads, grime may be the new DIY genre.

-Cortney Harding

Various Artists, IPRC Audiozine Volume One, Independent Publishing Resource Center, http://www.iprc.org: This is like listening a very smart, very hip, very honest version of “This American Life.” The second track has Ariel Gore admitting that she thinks her daughter is a “shithead” and joking she should change the name of her zine from “Hip Mama” to “Loser Mom.” It’s like nothing you’d ever read in Parents, and it’s also truer then anything you’d ever read in a mainstream publication.

But then, what function do zines perform, other then to speak truth to power, to the mainstream media? The album kicks off with Steve Gevurtz’s paean to scenester burnout; the weariness one feels when they just can’t drag themselves to yet another punk show, yet another party. Dave Roche shares a piece about teaching art to homeless youth at an elementary school; he deals with a suicidal eight year old who brings knives to school. Nicole Georges has one of the standout pieces on a record full of standout pieces; a diary-like reading about a week in her life in May. It’s a testament to Georges’ talent that she makes the mundane so interesting and absorbing. Her track is split with her usual collaborator Clutch McBastard, and his dry wit is the perfect complement to fresh perspective. Shoshanna Cohen hurries through her track, “Spring,” an ode to riding a bike on a spring day in Portland. Her frenetic pace personifies her sweet, day-in-the-life writing. Really, there isn’t a weak track on this album; it’s full of smart, fresh voices.

-Cortney Harding